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              少年時的陰影

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              1#
              發表于 2017-7-1 23:32 來自手機 | 只看該作者 回帖獎勵 |倒序瀏覽 |閱讀模式
              1心理幣
              我的母親是一位農村小學教師。我有一個哥哥,一個弟弟。我們家就我一個女孩。我母親脾氣暴躁 自卑。最喜歡的就是打擊人,比如,她說 ,我覺得你跳舞肯定不好看;怎么別人扎丸子頭好看你就那么難看呢,初中時,我參加一次學校畫展,畫了一幅漫畫,我母親看到后偷偷撕下來說,別人都畫的那么好,你的掛在那丟了。我只是舉了幾個例子,生活里這樣的事不勝枚舉。最倒霉的我的青春期碰上我母親的更年期。她和我爸爸哥哥弟弟去地里干活,讓我在家做飯,我每次都早早做好飯,但是她回來就沖我發脾氣,一喊就是一個小時。家里人都沉默著不說話 只要她自己在那里喊叫。我沒地方躲,沒地方逃,不敢頂撞。我母親從來不允許孩子反抗她。只能承接忍受這心里的折磨。這種情況持續了兩三年。讓我慢慢形成一直心理折磨的模式。不管什么事不稱心,都怨恨自己,從來不怪別人 ,陷入這種痛恨里不能自拔。我深度自卑,覺得每一個人都比我強,從不堅持自己。只要別人和我意見不一致。馬上覺得別人對。我母親也是這樣的人,比我她認為花紅色的好看,可她喜歡的我的一個大娘說黃色的好看,她就馬上認為黃色的好看。我從她那感覺不到力量。后來我想上高中,但我母親堅持讓我參加工作 ,這期間發生了一些沖突,我還是敗了。我就帶著這自卑和心理折磨的心理模式,在16歲的時候在離家50里地的地方參加了工作。后來結婚,離婚。離婚后,我母親認為讓男方不要了會博得別人的同情,遇見人就說,不要我家閨女了。我羞的恨不得鉆進地縫里,也沒有勸她,因為我已經習慣了她給我的折磨,已經不會反抗。直到現在,我40多歲了,慢慢有了些人生經驗,也接觸到心理學。對自己有了一定認識。但現在,更年期又來了,情緒不穩。我今天終于領悟了我的命——就是一輩子受心理折磨和孤單,但是,我還是存著一線希望,我想改變自己,過平和,快樂的人生。

              2#
              發表于 2017-7-23 15:44 | 只看該作者
              看了你的敘述,為你還存有一線希望點贊,也不由得想到你母親的性格特質可能已經影響到她的學生。
              3#
              發表于 2017-7-31 13:36 | 只看該作者
              “一輩子忍受心理折磨和孤單”不應該成為任何人的命運啊,擁抱
              4#
              發表于 2017-8-19 15:58 | 只看該作者
              雖然剛開始接觸心理學,但是你的這個遭遇確實很令人心疼4 R* I/ `, {# C. A0 v( Q$ X0 h
              可能你20歲之前的經歷與你相似吧 能夠理解你的那種自卑
              5#
              發表于 2017-8-23 09:39 | 只看該作者
              你媽媽很可恨,因為她把自己內心那個糟糕的小女孩投射給你,這樣她就不會那么討厭自己了,從而也把討厭轉移到你身上;你同樣可恨,你到成年之后仍然沒有反抗,依然承接著你媽媽的投射,直到40歲才有所覺察,不過只要有覺察這就是好事,就是改變的開始。
              ! Y8 V  R  {* x* t/ `5 @! ?我們每一個人,在未成年的時候都會或多或少遭遇來自父母的“攻擊”,但是成年之后,我們是可以改變的,成年人就是要為自己人生負責的人。
              8 k2 u* B; l, z, B$ x8 E& z建議參加心理療愈課程,或者做1對1的個案咨詢。
              4 Z8 T7 V& z6 i7 Z祝好!
              6#
              發表于 2017-8-23 13:14 來自手機 | 只看該作者
              這種家人帶給我們的傷害才是傷害力最強的,看完你說的心里很難受,希望你的內心可以變得強大
              7#
              發表于 2017-8-23 13:17 | 只看該作者
              可恨之人必有可憐之處。我想你的媽媽曾經也經歷過讓她飽受折磨的事情吧。通過你對家里情況的描述,我看到了你和你的媽媽內心深處的不安全感。我也剛剛接觸心理學沒多久,對于你的這些情況,確實也無法像專家那樣做很透徹的分析。不過,我可以提出一些我的想法,如果可以的話,你可以嘗試改變一下自己的心態。' z! u0 I6 x3 a; O
              你從媽媽或者說從家庭失去的安全感,會讓你變得敏感而脆弱,之后的離婚經歷無疑是在傷口上撒了一把鹽,但是,既然你能夠條理清晰地敘述出這些經歷,并且仍舊懷抱一線希望,那么,你的內心就還是有力量的。在今后的生活里,如果你能更好地愛自己——也就是說盡可能做自己喜歡做的事情,讓自己變得開心,你會慢慢發現世界沒有你想象的那么不安全。. q" n  O, K; e* U( q- |5 ^# j
              40歲,你早已經是個獨立的人(物質或者精神上都應如此),所以,從現在開始,好好愛自己,哪怕是面對暴躁的或是懦弱的自己,你也充滿關懷地包容,并在安撫好情緒之后引導自己朝著正確的方向——例如告訴暴躁的自己冷靜下來,告訴懦弱的自己要堅強——在這個過程中,你也許會發現自己充當了自己母親的角色,并且你從自己這里得到了家庭中沒有得到的愛。
              5 M; {6 W8 H% h; ]  U9 I* B愛自己,本身就沒有錯,所以,建議你不妨試試這個方法。做一朵向堅強的日葵,自然就會迎來燦爛的陽光。加油!
              8#
              發表于 2017-9-24 18:29 | 只看該作者
              樓上說的好
              9#
              發表于 2017-10-27 08:42 | 只看該作者
              家人帶給我們的傷害力是根深蒂固的。很多人格扭曲都是由童年時家人帶來的陰影造成的。
              10#
              發表于 2017-11-30 13:39 | 只看該作者
              基本上所有青少年甚至中年時期的出現的問題,或多或少都可能與本身家庭的問題有關。
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